DAMN, I GOT TAGGED

Tagged by Kelly

1. Choose a band/artist:
The Flaming Lips

2. Answer each question using the title of a song by that band/artist

3. Are you male or female:
Mr. Ambulance Driver

4. Describe yourself:
I'm a Fly in a Sunbeam

5. How do some people feel about you?
Evil Will Prevail

6. How do you feel about yourself?
Suddenly Everything Has Changed

7. Describe your ex boyfriend / girlfriend:
Buggin'

8. Describe current boyfriend / girlfriend:
Godzilla Flick

9. Describe where you want to be:
With You

10. Describe how you live:
Enthusiasm for Life Defeats Existential Fear

11. Describe how you love:
She Don't Use Jelly

12. What would you ask for if you had just one wish?
What a Wonderful World

13. Share a few words of Wisdom:
The Big Old Bug is the New Baby Now

14. Now say goodbye:
Everything's Explodin'

Now I tag Jamee

BABY GOT SKILLZ

So... Maddy somehow got a hold of the DVD remote and with a few presses of a few buttons, managed to reset the region coding on the machine. So nothing would play. Jamee managed to get it fixed, because she got skillz. That's all, nothing to see here, move along.

SCHOOL'S OUT

I want to get a Mini Cooper and a license plate that says "Alice."

ALL FUN AND GAMES...

I first found out about Christopher Brookmyre's books a few years ago when I dragged Jamee with me to see Terry Pratchett in DC. Somebody asked him who he enjoyed reading. He mentioned Brookmyre and a few others, all of whom I've forgotten. It's possible that I remember Brookmyre because I thought Pratchett was mentioning Christopher Moore, before I realized that he was mentioning a Christopher that had a completely different name, even though it contained all of the same letters.

So, anyway, I got home and looked the guy up on Amazon and I saw that his first book, Quite Ugly One Morning, was titled after a Warren Zevon song. I got excited and ordered it, ignoring the fact that everything else that I've read or seen that's titled after a Zevon song has been disappointing. So the book came in and I read it and it was...OK. But it was a good start and everything that followed has been fantastic.

So, before I get into the books, I should probably say a little bit about them as a whole. Brookmyre's a Scot and his stuff is generally crime fiction. It can be a little bit sick and a whole lot funny. He's been compared, possibly a bit unfairly, to Carl Hiaasen, but when you write satiric crime fiction that makes references to Zevon songs, what are you going to do?

So, here's the books...

The Jack Parlabane Books

Quite Ugly One Morning (1996), Country of the Blind (1997), Boiling a Frog (2000), Be My Enemy (2004). These four work as sort of a series and are probably best read in order. Unfortunately, even though investigative reporter Jack Parlabane is Brookmyre most popular recurring character, these aren't my favorite and I honestly couldn't tell you much of what happens in any of them. Except Be My Enemy. That one's sick. It's about a corporate team building retreat gone wrong. It features inadvertent cannibalism, extreme ultraviolence, and creative use of a large intestine. My sister got my a signed copy for my birthday when she was studying at the University of Edinburgh. Which was nice of her.


The Angelique de Xavia Books

A Big Boy Did it and Ran Away (2001) Wow. This one's great. Easily my favorite Brookmyre book and one of my top books of all time. It's about a first year English teacher and his best friend from college, who happens to be an international terrorist. There's a terrorist attack planned in Scotland during the first week of September 2001 (The book was published in early 2001 and the unintentional resonance is spooky). There's a flat-out amazing twist about three quarters of the way through. Saying any more would ruin it. Just read it. And remember, do not fuck with the English teacher.

The Sacred Art of Stealing (2002) This one picks up shortly after A Big Boy Did it and Ran Away and follows police inspector de Xavia who was introduced in the earlier book. It's a groovy little bank heist book and it's got the cop-and-robber romance vibe like Elmore Leonard's Out of Sight. And it's got a better suspense sequence set in a museum that The DaVinci Code. I want a sequel.


The Stand-Alone Books

These are all great. 'Cept maybe the last one. I'm only one chapter in.

Not the End of the World (1998) Another favorite. It's set in California and deals with a porn industry convention, a Christian tent-revival, and an impending tidal wave. Partially dedicated to Bill Hicks. Good stuff.

One Fine Day in The Middle of the Night (1999) Die Hard at a high school reunion.

All Fun and Games Until Somebody Loses an Eye (2005) Beauty and the Beast retold in the world of international terrorism.

A Tale Etched in Blood and Hard Black Pencil (2006) The only problem I have with Brookmyre is that only his first four books are in print in the US. So, once a year I get a nice little package from amazon uk when the new book comes out. I try to ignore the exchange rate. This one just came in the mail last week. It starts with a double murder. Then it flashes back to the first day of primary school and follows the lives of the killers and the detectives over twenty years. I think. That's what I get from the jacket copy. Like I said, I'm only a chapter in.

WHEN YOU WANT A THOUSAND OF SOMETHING

Jamee makes this spinach-garlic-red pepper flake-feta cheese rice thing. It's good and it has spinach, garlic, red pepper flakes and feta cheese. On rice. And we were going to have it for lunch yesterday.

So we were plopped down upstairs while Maddy was sleeping. Figuring out how to do lunch. Jamee says "I'll go change the baby if you go start the rice. I'll fix lunch if you start the rice. I hate making rice."

So I called her "ricist." And then she punched me. And then we had lunch.

BURNING QUESTION

If the proposed amendment to ban gay marraige is all about defending the sanctity of marraige, why is nobody proposing an amendment to ban divorce?

STAY ON TARGET

Hi, how are you?

I have a ten-month-old daughter, who frequently requires clothes. And because this is America, there is a Target nearby. And because this is America, there is a Wal-Mart near the Target. And because we won't go to the Wal-Mart, we frequently find ourselves in Target. Sometimes I wear a White Stripes t-shirt to see how long it takes for another customer to ask for help.

Target sells clothes for little girls. This is because Target sells just about everything.

So, when we frequently find ourselves in Target, I frequently find myself in the little girl section, looking at little girl clothes. I am an adult and I love my daughter and I am comfortable with this. I like to get her cute little outfits so that she will look little and cute and be embarrassed by the pictures we take of her in them once she becomes a teenager.

There are many cute little outfits for little girls at Target. Many of them have dinosaurs on them, which I like because it encourages science and I can't wait to hear about her getting in to fights with creationist kids at daycare.

So, sometimes when I end up at Target by myself, and my wife and daughter are elsewhere, I look for little girl clothes in the little girl department. I am thirty-one years old and am frequently scruffy-looking because I'm too lazy to shave and because Jamee says she likes it. I frequently wear Aloha shirts that I'm too lazy to iron. And ratty Chuck Taylors, which I don't iron because it's difficult. I usually see other parents, usually mothers, with their kids when I'm in the little girls department. And I know they see me.

And I bet they think I'm a child molester.